Q: Our office Christmas party is known to be a good time. Alcohol flows freely and everyone is dressed to the nines! My husband is unable to attend but is worried about me going alone. There is no reason for him to be concerned—right?
A: You love your husband and would never give him any reason to worry about your faithfulness but many an affair begins at the office Christmas or New Year’s party. One innocent holiday kiss mixed with alcohol is often enough to signal danger. So how does this become an affair?
Flirting is often the first step down the slippery slope. It may seem innocent enough. It is fun, exciting and builds your confidence. Flirting implies an intimacy and a level of trust that is really not there. Flirting can include sexual talk, body language such as leaning in and hair flipping, and casual touching.
The sharing of personal problems with a person of the opposite gender is another common mistake. The person sharing feels understood and the listener interprets the sharing as an invitation to more intimacy. Sharing with the opposite gender takes many forms. Spending time alone, even if it is just for coffee or a casual meeting is asking for trouble. Bad mouthing your partner is another kind of confiding that leads to trouble. If you have problems at home, deal with them properly with a skilled therapist. “We each have problems in our marriage” is not a good common ground on which to build a future.
Sexting, texting, emailing or messaging, are all forms of flirting, and another dangerous route to infidelity. If you would not be proud to have your family, children or partner reading what you have written, don’t do it. Again, it may seem innocent enough but not only does it lead to dangerous behaviours, it also is a disrespectful, betrayal of your spouse.
Lastly, anything that draws your attention and love away from your spouse is potentially a threat to your marriage. Whether it is putting friends, parents or children first, refusing sexual intimacy, or spending too many hours at work you are putting a wedge between the two of you. Nurture your marriage and do not treat it casually. Flirting is often a warning sign. Consider counselling for a tremendous positive change before a casual kiss ruins your marriage,
In this season of love and caring I wish you all happiness, health and peace.