Every human being has certain developmental tasks that they have to learn in a certain order. If we are well cared for in infancy and beyond, we begin to learn to trust. With trust comes the ability to: develop relationships, bond, endure separation and take risks. If things continue to go well, between the ages of approximately 1 to 2 years, we begin to walk and branch out. We begin to learn to accept praise, build on our ability to trust, develop independence and self-esteem and feel safe. Around the age of 2, the word "no" becomes an important part of the vocabulary. Independence is developing, and we are learning autonomy and independence. Between the ages of 5 to 11 the building blocks are all in place for us to begin an academic career and successful experiences. We know that we can make mistakes and still be loved, and so we can take the risk of learning, and making friendships confident that the world will not end if we fail. As teens, the earlier skills learnt are practiced. Autonomy, independence, risk taking and building self-confidence are the hallmarks of this stage.

But what if life had not been perfect or even good enough? What if the skills were not learned because the household had not been safe? Poor parenting, abuse, violence or substance abuse, to name just a few, could have deeply affected the development of the child.

The younger the child when things went awry, the more deeply embedded the problem. It is the job of psychotherapy to find the gaps in knowledge and learning, and repair them. Some rebuilding must be done so that new learning can happen. The younger the child when the problem occurred and the longer it has been left not dealt with, the longer the repair process will take. This longer process is psychotherapy.

If an adult, who has had a reasonably good childhood, is faced with a traumatic event and quickly seeks help, it is much easier to repair. It is more like a bump in the road rather than a detour. The process may involve imparting some knowledge, providing some tools or insights or guidance. It does not require going back into the details of the childhood and re-learning. This quicker process is counselling.