Q: I am a 15 year old grade 10 girl. My boyfriend of 4 months and I, are talking about having sex. I know that he wants to—he says that if I loved him I would do it. I’m scared but curious. What do you think?
A: This brings up a number of issues.
1.) Guys have been using the “if you loved me…” line for ever! Don’t be scammed by that one. It is meant to make you feel guilty and thus, put his wants before your needs. Anyone who would use that line is selfish and not really caring about you.
2.) At 15 you are not ready for the emotional chaos that having intercourse will create. Even though I bet you are about to tell me how mature you are, trust me, you’re not that mature. Ideally, sex is a special act between two loving and committed people and at your age, it is not developmentally possible to be there yet.
3.) Part of something being special is the anticipation. Wouldn’t it ruin Christmas and birthdays if you knew ahead exactly what every gift was going to be? Of course you are curious—but that is not a reason to do it. Part of maturity is the ability to delay gratification.
4.) Lastly, I want to tell you the results of a recent study that was done. Five hundred kids between the ages of 12 and 17 were interviewed. Almost 60% said they have not had sex. Of those who have had sex, ¾ of the girls and over ½ of the boys wished they had waited. They realized that they were not prepared for everything that followed. I find the same results with the young people that I counsel. I have never had anyone tell me that they wished they had sex sooner.
If you have issues, talk to your parents, or a trusted adult, or come talk to me or another counsellor, but respect yourself and your body enough to wait until you are sure. I hope that I have convinced you to wait, but if not, please make sure you use adequate birth control every single time! While the pill is still the most effective against pregnancy, the condom is the only way to protect against diseases. Use both if possible. If you are grown up enough to have sex, you better be grown up enough to be responsible!